Read from the Beginning

Knitted swatch of the moss stitch in yellow cotton yarn.

Moss Stitch: An inventory of things I need to deal with

Erica, Free

After the linen stitch, I decided to stick with easy and repetitive stitches and learned the moss stitch. This was pretty easy to get into. It’s almost the same as the linen stitch. And I’m still in the stage of not-New-Year’s Resolutions that I’m pretty motivated. I don’t know how long it will last, though. I’ve dealt with some of the easier stuff I’ve been facing, but there are lots I need to deal with that will take a lot of time and energy. Here’s a rough inventory of everything I have to deal with in the hopes it will make me actually do what I need to:

  1. Health Issues –  Both physical and mental. There’s the chronic fatigue and the constant sense of anxiety and inability to focus or accomplish a single simple task. These are probably separate issues but seem to have a symbiotic relationship and are both feeding off each other. I have a doctor’s appointment coming up and I’m definitely going to bring it up. 
  2. Money issues – Ah, the ever-present money issues. My job doesn’t pay me enough, but I can’t get a new job because I’m too tired and too burnt out to feign enthusiasm over another stupid admin job at a stupid company selling things people don’t need. I’m lucky enough that I can ask my parents for help when I need it, but that doesn’t feel good when you’re approaching thirty. 
  3. Car problems –  see above entries on money and lack of executive function 
  4. Family stuff: My mom broke her shoulder recently. She needs surgery. She’ll be fine, but she likes to keep busy and now she can’t do anything for a couple months. It just sucks that I can’t do more than call her every couple days. 

Anyway, moss stitch. It looks cool. Maybe I’ll make something with this stitch someday. 

-Erica 

My Own Neglected Obligations. Well, One particular obligation

Ella, Free, Uncategorized

Erica’s attention to the most important aspects of her life has made me think of the people I have been neglecting, namely Erica’s mother. 

Erica has a good enough handle on her emotions to at least keep them out of her cooking and crafting while she focuses on her health. Jane will poke and prod her to be honest in therapy and with her doctor. She doesn’t need me for that. The person who needs me now is Kirsten. 

Erica doesn’t talk about her mom much around me. I always assumed that was because her mother’s unyielding perfectionism contrasted with my encouragement of her not fearing mistakes and treating them as a learning experience. I should have known that’s because her mom doesn’t like me. I wasn’t able to help Erica’s mother the way that I have helped Erica. As happens every few generations, I was barred from contact with her during her childhood and respected her parents’ wishes. When I tried to reconnect with her in her early adulthood, I was rebuffed. 

But now I have an opportunity to mend that relationship. Erica’s mom broke her shoulder and needs surgery. The long recovery time and limited activity will also mean she needs company, which I am able and happy to offer. I’ve talked to both Erica and her mother and everyone agrees that since I have no real job or obligations outside of my descendants, it makes sense for me to go keep Erica’s mother company. But like anything healing, whether surgical or a strained relationship, this requires utmost care. 

-Ella

book cover of Arsenic and Adobo.

Refreshing Reads: Arsenic and Adobo by Mia P. Manansala

Carolyn, Free

I love a good, cozy murder. But I don’t always want to read about the gory details. Sometimes I want a cozy murder full of well-deserved happy endings, and at least one well-deserved killing. These books do exactly that. I’m not Filipina or a human (anymore) but I found Lila to be very relatable. I’ve been a young woman without direction and I’ve recently shared an apartment with two in a row. Lila is so relatable and her story is the perfect escapist fantasy of finding both professional and personal purpose. She makes mistakes, sure, and the aimlessness comes back out of the shadows, but Lila and everyone in the book is written with such a charming earnestness, you can’t help but root for them.

Without giving too much of the plot away, I will say that these books boast and abundance of cultural and LGBT+ representation. You will wonder how a small, Illinois town could be so diverse, but you will also want to go there. The book (and the author’s website) include some bonus delicious Filipino and Filipino-American fusion recipes at the end. This book did not last long in Bridget’s apartment. She read it almost immediately and returned it for the next one, although she has yet to make any of the recipes.

-Carolyn

P.S. The author’s website is here https://www.miapmanansala.com/arsenic-and-adobo, and you can always support your local library!

Photo of a knitted swatch in bamboo stitch

The Bamboo Stitch: The Opposite of Being Overwhelmed is not to choose what overwhelms me

Erica, Free

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that I’ve been quite overwhelmed for a while. Work is demanding, especially with this new call system. Life is demanding, per usual when you don’t quite have enough money to fulfill your basic needs. Add in the extra doctors appointments (primary, ultrasound, specialist), and it’s hard to actually relax. 

When I do have time, I usually am on my phone or watching TV. I do these things because somewhere along the line, I decided it was a treat for myself. Add to that the false feeling of scarcity imparted by limited childhood screen time, and I almost feel like I have to be on my phone or else I might not get this opportunity again. 

I haven’t quit using my phone cold turkey. That would be insane. I am trying to go on it less because, honestly, I don’t feel that much better when I’m on it. If I have a spare second, I should be enjoying it. Not doing something that I dislike slightly less than what I’m currently doing.

How did I come to this conclusion? Simply thinking about the amount of time I spend just scrolling. Scrolling through instagram without really looking at anything, scrolling through reddit without reading anything, scrolling through youtube without watching anything. I’m trying to be a little more intentional about what I consume. And if I feel overwhelmed, to do something that actually calms me down instead of something that overstimulates me with a different set of inputs. 

How am I going to do this? Well, bringing my knitting with me, of course! In all seriousness, though, I have started bringing it to work and to my numerous appointments. The swatchbook project is great to work on in tiny pieces because the swatches are very repetitive and I’m not waiting for a certain part of the pattern. Since I’m going to so many appointments and my new company is enforcing my lunch break (there are some positives!), I’m getting a lot more done.

It’s a small step, but at least it’s a step. I’m not trying to do anything drastic because I’m still exhausted and in pain most of the time. And sometimes I do just want to chill out and watch tv. That’s kind of the point, though. I’m trying to listen to my body and my feelings and do what I think is best for me in the moment instead of the habit I’ve created. 

I’ll check back in soon.

-Erica

Braided Cable Stitch: So What’s Up with My job?

Erica, Free

I mentioned in some previous posts that my previous company was bought out. My former boss was offered a lot of money and essentially a get-out-of-jail-free card for those massive contracts we couldn’t fulfill. 

The company that bought us out is a national swag supplier (I’m not allowed to say who).* They kept on most of the previous staff, especially warehouse and manufacturing staff and, you guessed it, customer service. Did I always think of my role as primarily customer service? No. I would have said more administrative or office management, but under the new regime, I am a customer service representative with administrative duties.

The pay is marginally better than my previous company and the responsibilities are largely the same. The nice part is that this company seems to have a decent understanding of how much work our shop can handle. The tough part is I am responsible for our direct line and handling calls from the company’s 1-800 number as sort of a remote call center representative. It has been a lot to learn really fast. 

Why am I still here? Well, the benefits are good. And I have an inkling that I might need surgery if I really do have endometriosis. Plus, now that I have at least some medical answers, my stress level has decreased. 

It’s not an increase in energy levels, but it does make me feel a lot better. I even learned how to do a braided cable stitch! I had to use a different yarn for this one. The cotton just wasn’t working for cables like I hoped. I think it came out great!

Braided cables are one of those stitches that I always thought would be too complicated for me, but it turns out they’re not so difficult! Maybe that’s a lesson I should apply to other areas of my life…

-Erica

*obviously the company Erica works for is as fictional as she is. Don’t come for me.

Cats Read Your Tarot Cards: What’s Going on with my cat’s love life?

Free, Harry and Dash

Question: A black outdoor cat is screaming at my cat’s window every night. What does that mean?

Card: Ace of Pentacles

This is just the right amount of relationship for your cat. Maybe the black cat wants more, but your cat is fine admiring beauty from afar. She knows just how much she has at home and isn’t looking for any more than to enjoy the attention of someone pretty from the comfort of her own home. She also finds it very entertaining to drive another cat crazy. We can all be a little antagonistic at times. Just be glad it’s not directed at you.

-Harry

*This is just for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a real tarot reading.