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Knitted swatch of the moss stitch in yellow cotton yarn.

Moss Stitch: An inventory of things I need to deal with

Erica, Free

After the linen stitch, I decided to stick with easy and repetitive stitches and learned the moss stitch. This was pretty easy to get into. It’s almost the same as the linen stitch. And I’m still in the stage of not-New-Year’s Resolutions that I’m pretty motivated. I don’t know how long it will last, though. I’ve dealt with some of the easier stuff I’ve been facing, but there are lots I need to deal with that will take a lot of time and energy. Here’s a rough inventory of everything I have to deal with in the hopes it will make me actually do what I need to:

  1. Health Issues –  Both physical and mental. There’s the chronic fatigue and the constant sense of anxiety and inability to focus or accomplish a single simple task. These are probably separate issues but seem to have a symbiotic relationship and are both feeding off each other. I have a doctor’s appointment coming up and I’m definitely going to bring it up. 
  2. Money issues – Ah, the ever-present money issues. My job doesn’t pay me enough, but I can’t get a new job because I’m too tired and too burnt out to feign enthusiasm over another stupid admin job at a stupid company selling things people don’t need. I’m lucky enough that I can ask my parents for help when I need it, but that doesn’t feel good when you’re approaching thirty. 
  3. Car problems –  see above entries on money and lack of executive function 
  4. Family stuff: My mom broke her shoulder recently. She needs surgery. She’ll be fine, but she likes to keep busy and now she can’t do anything for a couple months. It just sucks that I can’t do more than call her every couple days. 

Anyway, moss stitch. It looks cool. Maybe I’ll make something with this stitch someday. 

-Erica 

My Own Neglected Obligations. Well, One particular obligation

Ella, Free, Uncategorized

Erica’s attention to the most important aspects of her life has made me think of the people I have been neglecting, namely Erica’s mother. 

Erica has a good enough handle on her emotions to at least keep them out of her cooking and crafting while she focuses on her health. Jane will poke and prod her to be honest in therapy and with her doctor. She doesn’t need me for that. The person who needs me now is Kirsten. 

Erica doesn’t talk about her mom much around me. I always assumed that was because her mother’s unyielding perfectionism contrasted with my encouragement of her not fearing mistakes and treating them as a learning experience. I should have known that’s because her mom doesn’t like me. I wasn’t able to help Erica’s mother the way that I have helped Erica. As happens every few generations, I was barred from contact with her during her childhood and respected her parents’ wishes. When I tried to reconnect with her in her early adulthood, I was rebuffed. 

But now I have an opportunity to mend that relationship. Erica’s mom broke her shoulder and needs surgery. The long recovery time and limited activity will also mean she needs company, which I am able and happy to offer. I’ve talked to both Erica and her mother and everyone agrees that since I have no real job or obligations outside of my descendants, it makes sense for me to go keep Erica’s mother company. But like anything healing, whether surgical or a strained relationship, this requires utmost care. 

-Ella

book cover of Arsenic and Adobo.

Refreshing Reads: Arsenic and Adobo by Mia P. Manansala

Carolyn, Free

I love a good, cozy murder. But I don’t always want to read about the gory details. Sometimes I want a cozy murder full of well-deserved happy endings, and at least one well-deserved killing. These books do exactly that. I’m not Filipina or a human (anymore) but I found Lila to be very relatable. I’ve been a young woman without direction and I’ve recently shared an apartment with two in a row. Lila is so relatable and her story is the perfect escapist fantasy of finding both professional and personal purpose. She makes mistakes, sure, and the aimlessness comes back out of the shadows, but Lila and everyone in the book is written with such a charming earnestness, you can’t help but root for them.

Without giving too much of the plot away, I will say that these books boast and abundance of cultural and LGBT+ representation. You will wonder how a small, Illinois town could be so diverse, but you will also want to go there. The book (and the author’s website) include some bonus delicious Filipino and Filipino-American fusion recipes at the end. This book did not last long in Bridget’s apartment. She read it almost immediately and returned it for the next one, although she has yet to make any of the recipes.

-Carolyn

P.S. The author’s website is here https://www.miapmanansala.com/arsenic-and-adobo, and you can always support your local library!

Photo of a knitted swatch in bamboo stitch

The Bamboo Stitch: The Opposite of Being Overwhelmed is not to choose what overwhelms me

Erica, Free

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that I’ve been quite overwhelmed for a while. Work is demanding, especially with this new call system. Life is demanding, per usual when you don’t quite have enough money to fulfill your basic needs. Add in the extra doctors appointments (primary, ultrasound, specialist), and it’s hard to actually relax. 

When I do have time, I usually am on my phone or watching TV. I do these things because somewhere along the line, I decided it was a treat for myself. Add to that the false feeling of scarcity imparted by limited childhood screen time, and I almost feel like I have to be on my phone or else I might not get this opportunity again. 

I haven’t quit using my phone cold turkey. That would be insane. I am trying to go on it less because, honestly, I don’t feel that much better when I’m on it. If I have a spare second, I should be enjoying it. Not doing something that I dislike slightly less than what I’m currently doing.

How did I come to this conclusion? Simply thinking about the amount of time I spend just scrolling. Scrolling through instagram without really looking at anything, scrolling through reddit without reading anything, scrolling through youtube without watching anything. I’m trying to be a little more intentional about what I consume. And if I feel overwhelmed, to do something that actually calms me down instead of something that overstimulates me with a different set of inputs. 

How am I going to do this? Well, bringing my knitting with me, of course! In all seriousness, though, I have started bringing it to work and to my numerous appointments. The swatchbook project is great to work on in tiny pieces because the swatches are very repetitive and I’m not waiting for a certain part of the pattern. Since I’m going to so many appointments and my new company is enforcing my lunch break (there are some positives!), I’m getting a lot more done.

It’s a small step, but at least it’s a step. I’m not trying to do anything drastic because I’m still exhausted and in pain most of the time. And sometimes I do just want to chill out and watch tv. That’s kind of the point, though. I’m trying to listen to my body and my feelings and do what I think is best for me in the moment instead of the habit I’ve created. 

I’ll check back in soon.

-Erica

Braided Cable Stitch: So What’s Up with My job?

Erica, Free

I mentioned in some previous posts that my previous company was bought out. My former boss was offered a lot of money and essentially a get-out-of-jail-free card for those massive contracts we couldn’t fulfill. 

The company that bought us out is a national swag supplier (I’m not allowed to say who).* They kept on most of the previous staff, especially warehouse and manufacturing staff and, you guessed it, customer service. Did I always think of my role as primarily customer service? No. I would have said more administrative or office management, but under the new regime, I am a customer service representative with administrative duties.

The pay is marginally better than my previous company and the responsibilities are largely the same. The nice part is that this company seems to have a decent understanding of how much work our shop can handle. The tough part is I am responsible for our direct line and handling calls from the company’s 1-800 number as sort of a remote call center representative. It has been a lot to learn really fast. 

Why am I still here? Well, the benefits are good. And I have an inkling that I might need surgery if I really do have endometriosis. Plus, now that I have at least some medical answers, my stress level has decreased. 

It’s not an increase in energy levels, but it does make me feel a lot better. I even learned how to do a braided cable stitch! I had to use a different yarn for this one. The cotton just wasn’t working for cables like I hoped. I think it came out great!

Braided cables are one of those stitches that I always thought would be too complicated for me, but it turns out they’re not so difficult! Maybe that’s a lesson I should apply to other areas of my life…

-Erica

*obviously the company Erica works for is as fictional as she is. Don’t come for me.

Cats Read Your Tarot Cards: What’s Going on with my cat’s love life?

Free, Harry and Dash

Question: A black outdoor cat is screaming at my cat’s window every night. What does that mean?

Card: Ace of Pentacles

This is just the right amount of relationship for your cat. Maybe the black cat wants more, but your cat is fine admiring beauty from afar. She knows just how much she has at home and isn’t looking for any more than to enjoy the attention of someone pretty from the comfort of her own home. She also finds it very entertaining to drive another cat crazy. We can all be a little antagonistic at times. Just be glad it’s not directed at you.

-Harry

*This is just for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a real tarot reading.

The Bramble Stitch: Self-advocacy baby steps

Erica, Free

One of the problems with chronic illness is that making doctor’s appointments is often the exact kind of task that always seems like too much. When my old company was bought out, we changed insurance providers, and most of my old doctors were out of network. That was fine with me anyway since I wasn’t terribly happy with either of them. 

The problem is that finding a new doctor is still finding a new doctor, whether it’s on the old insurance portal or the new one. But I had resolved to at least find answers this year, so I had to find a new doctor. I thought about all the barriers I’d let get in my way before and made a plan to remove them. Here are some of the barriers I identified from finding a new primary care physician.

  1. Time and energy: Do the most important things when you are awake and alert. I usually tell myself that I have to do these things after work, but I’m always tired. What’s stopping me from taking a quiet moment at work (on a break if you have to) to search for a new provider and call and make an appointment? Well it might be…
  2. Necessary materials: Get everything you will need together before you start. I knew from past experience that I would need my insurance information and both my phone and work calendars.
  3. Mental Roadblocks: Whatever you need to say to psych yourself up, do it. Embarrassed to make a phone call in an open office? Don’t be. Everyone has to see the doctor sometime. Worried about the receptionist on the other line before? Think about the last time you went to the doctor. At best, the receptionist was friendly, at worst, you barely registered with them. Why would they be any different over the phone?
  4. Appointment Dread: look up the doctor on their network website. See if they have specialization areas that match your concerns. If you need to (I felt like I did), use the filters to select a provider you will feel more comfortable with.

So, where have I been for two months? At a lot of doctor’s appointments. I finally found a primary care physician who didn’t dismiss my debilitating menstrual pain as “just cramps,” and recommended an OBGYN who could help me. I saw that provider, who was able to all but confirm the diagnosis. 

And in all those waiting rooms – bramble stitch.

-Erica

Cats Read Your Tarot Cards: Making Friends in a New City

Free, Harry and Dash

Question: Will I make new friends outside of work? I moved to a new city a year ago and i have a bunch of work friends, but have struggles to meet people otherwise

Card: Two of Wands, Reversed

You’re probably trying too hard. You have a lot of promising beginnings that lead nowhere and you’re letting it get to you. The thing is, that’s how friendship works. You can’t really go out and seek a friend. Take it from me. I don’t seek anyone out. Everyone always comes to me and the ones who put up with my aloofness are the ones who are worthy of my time.

I’m not saying act like a cat. You’re not as cute. But keep hanging out with your work friends. Deepen those friendships. And then find groups that do activities you like. Go to some meetups. Enjoy the low-key social interaction. See if there’s someone you connect with, and go for it. It’ll take some time, but you’ll be fine. 

-Dash

*This is just for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a real tarot reading.

Refreshing Reads: The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston

Carolyn, Free

When I first saw the title of this book on Bridget’s coffee table, I thought it was going to be some boring historical fiction that overly romanticizes (ha ha) certain historical figures. It is definitely not.

Once I started it, I thought it was going to be a very typical romcom. Nothing wrong with that.

What I found was a delightful, romcom storyline set in a very clever frame. The premise and interesting side characters make this read truly refreshing. I especially want to highlight the inclusion of many LGBT characters, including a non-binary character whose identity is always accepted and never questioned. For anyone who is looking for a pleasant romance that is  interesting and unique, without sacrificing any of the romance, the Dead Romantics is the book for you.

This would be a great read at the beach, the lake, on a picnic, or curled up in the air conditioning. (Guess which one was me…)

P.S. What do I think of this book’s portrayal of ghosts? I quite enjoyed it. The ghosts in this book are much more mobile than I have ever been, but are just as mysterious. I try not to judge portrayals of ghosts in literature based on my experience. No author knows what it’s like while they’re writing, so how would they know?

-Carolyn

The author’s website is here, and you can always check out your local library!

please excuse my terrible canva skills.

Interlude: Strawberry Stain, Part 1

Erica, Free

In all the years I’ve lived at this apartment, my landlord has never once done anything to the little patch of dirt where I keep my garden. I’ve ripped up the groundcover where I want to put my plants and done my best to eradicate the poison ivy, but there’s not much I can do about the honeysuckle besides cut it down when I remember to. 

Well someone came out and sprayed it last week. I didn’t realize it until a couple days later when the leaves of my garden plants started bleaching and turning papery. 

I thought it was my own neglect until I saw the honeysuckle on the other side of the driveway had also been sprayed.

Some of my plants, the kale and basil, will die. Some, like the strawberries, I don’t feel comfortable eating anymore since I don’t know what they were sprayed with. 

The kicker is that, while pretty much my entire garden got sprayed, in areas where it is just the groundcover and honeysuckle, only the honeysuckle got sprayed. And I was really looking forward to eating those strawberries. 

It’s not like they were great strawberries. They were little and tart, but they were mine. I tended to them and watched them grow and they were perfect over vanilla ice cream. I still can, but they will be tainted with glyphosate or whatever chemical they used. 

There has to be some way I can get back at them without raising too much suspicion. I do like this apartment and don’t want to have to move. But Ella is out of town, which means I have a little more leeway in how I exercise my powers. 

It’s one of the first rules of fairy tales: Don’t mess with a witch’s garden. 

-Erica