Ella

View From Outside: Life As A Supporting Character

Ella, Free

Last year was not a good year for Erica. I’m not going to detail what happened. That’s her story to tell. I will offer some insight on how I did my best to support her.

When we started, I was helping Erica learn to use her powers in alignment with her talents. This past year, I did my best to help her stay above water. Between her increasing workload and some particularly stressful events, her mental health took a nosedive.

I used my powers to remove as many of the obstacles as I could, but often the scars of what had already happened remained. It didn’t help that she chose to move right before everything got to be too much.

That doesn’t mean the entire year was terrible. Erica started a garden at her new apartment. I helped her with that. It was small, but the food was good. She did some sewing, some crocheting, and started a new project with her old origami.

She didn’t feel like writing though, and I didn’t want to push it. She didn’t need another obligation on top of everything else. That was my main job over the past year. Letting her enjoy what she could without any sense of obligation. I’m sorry for the hiatus, but hopefully this explanation helps. If Erica felt like she needed a break, we all did.

-Ella

Making Jam Is Easy, Canning is the Hard Part

Ella, Free

Oh, summer, with its oppressive heat and humidity also brings an abundance of fresh fruit. Stone fruits and berries are all in season and relatively cheap. Unfortunately, the temptation to buy large quantities is in conflict with these fragile fruits’ limited shelf life. One way to preserve these tasty fruits for later in the year is to make jam.

I know it might seem daunting, but making jam is actually quite easy. Canning is the hard part, and if you have enough room in your freezer for a few containers of jam in choice flavors, it is completely unnecessary. Homemade jam is perfect on toast, ice cream, or oatmeal. All it requires is fruit, a little lemon juice, a pot, and maybe some sugar or spices if you’re up for it.

Just take that extra fruit that you bought, but forgot to eat, cut it up, and throw it in a pot. I recommend starting with at least a pint of fruit. This can be all the same fruit, like those peaches you were going to eat with lunch every day and then didn’t or the hodgepodge of berries you impulse-bought on your last grocery trip. Rinse the fruit and cut it into bite-sized chunks if necessary. Add a little lemon juice to help break down the fruit and cut some of the sweetness. This quantity will vary depending on your tastes, but I usually use a tablespoon per pint of fruit. Bring the fruit slowly to a simmer, stirring constantly. The fruit will begin to break down and thicken as the water boils off.

Taste as you go and add sugar, ginger, cinnamon, or whatever you feel is necessary. When the jam has reached its desired thickness, remove from the heat and allow to cool. Transfer the cooled jam to a freezer-safe container and store until ready to use. Depending on the amount of fruit you use, the amount of jam you get could be very small. It’ll still be enough jam to use on a few pieces of toast or on some vanilla ice cream.

Now to the big questions:

  1. Why would I stand over a boiling pot of fruit for an hour in the middle of summer? Well, it might make you feel cooler when you step away from the stove. And sometimes we have to put in a little effort in order to waste less. If it’s ungodly hot out, you can always freeze the fruit before it turns and make jam later.
  2. Why would I spend all this time making jam when it’s so easy to buy? Like I said, I’m talking about solutions for fruit that’s about to go bad. You can’t get that at the grocery store. And sometimes it’s a nice break from the troubles of reality to stir a boiling pot of fruit and not think of the rest of the world for a while.

 -Ella

Three somewhat tragic looking macarons

Patience, Planning, and Mise en Place: a Macaron Adventure (Repost)

Ella, Review

July is a free review month! This post would normally be for Patreon subscribers, but is being reposted for free. If you’re not a Patreon subscriber, this is what the Patreon posts are like. If you are a Patreon subscriber and have been wanting to share this post, now you can! (please do).

Erica is occasionally gripped by the idea that she should be able to cook or bake despite all evidence to the contrary. When in this state, she will not settle for something simple, but often attempts something complex and labor-intensive and often enlists my help. During this particular bout of hubris, or insecurity, the two are often intertwined, she decided to make macarons for an outdoor get together with her college friends.

I don’t know why. I don’t like her college friends. She doesn’t even seem to like her college friends. I must point out before I go any further, I use the term “college friends” to describe a group of five or six highly competitive young women I have nothing in common except that they were all friends in college*. And seem to think that this obliges them to a twice yearly ritual of getting together and catching up. And in this case “catching up” refers to bragging about salaries, vacations, future home purchases, and upcoming weddings.

College friends aside, I thought this adventure provided a good opportunity to teach Erica about the amount of patience in planning that goes into any large scale baking or cooking project. She has attempted to make macarons before, and from what I gather we results were not aesthetically perfect, but were quite tasty. Unfortunately, this time she fell victim to the fallacy that learning from her past mistakes meant she was ready to bake to impress. I did not dissuade her from this notion, but simply tried to guide her through the process as best I could.

We began with a very serious planning effort. She was intent on using a hodgepodge of flavorings and ingredients she had around the house and so basic recipes and other ingredient quantities were determined and supplementary ingredients were purchased. We also planned phases for the actual baking and assembly of the final cookies. Her little get together was planned for brunch time on Saturday morning which meant she would have to cook these during the week. Rather than allow her to exhaust and disappoint herself thinking that she could accomplish this all in one evening, we planned for the three separate tasks of making the fillings, baking the cookies, and the final assembly.

Erica chose to make one butter cream and two custards for her fillings. All three were flavored with puréed, canned fruit she had purchased over a year ago when her anxiety told her an apocalypse was eminent. There are not many published recipes that involve using canned fruit in delicate French pastries. Her emotional investment was high. She needed something more than her entry-level job to show off. I was sure the macarons would taste fine, but was worried about what else might end up in there.

Where Erica went right in this adventure was in her attempt do use the French cooking technique mise en place, which involves preparing ingredients ahead of time so they can simply be added to the recipe. Butter and cream cheese were set on the counter to soften. Eggs were separated. And all the fruit puréed before any mixing of ingredients started.

With the cranberry custard, she tossed the ingredients one by one into a heated saucepan. Unfortunately this meant that the egg yolks cooked immediately, but surprisingly Erica was not deterred. She uttered a few choice words under her breath, then stirred the custard delicately so as not to disturb any of the scrambled egg and strained it when she was satisfied that it was done. For the next custard she mixed all her ingredients before putting them in the saucepan and everything went wonderfully.

She had a slight misadventure with the buttercream, when she realize she had not softened quite enough butter in proportion to the cream cheese. Her attempts to soften the extra butter were not quite sufficient and she ended the night with a somewhat lumpy buttercream frosting. Much to my dismay and anxiety she made no attempt to correct this, but simply scooped it into a container and put it in the refrigerator. I can somewhat understand why as I was already close to 10 PM. Overall, Erica’s outward composure was impressive.

The cookies were another adventure. For her first and largest batch, she simply sifted plain almond flour and sugar into her egg mixture. I know she noticed something amiss when she piped them onto the cookie tray, but it was too late to do anything and she was not going to start over. While those were waiting to go into the oven she surprised me by blending the remaining flour and sugar mixture. At some point that night, she also took the buttercream out of the refrigerator warmed, it up a bit and put that in the blender until it was smooth as well. There were more choice words from her and much hand-wringing from me.

I was not present for the assembly of the cookies. Erica did that on Friday morning before work. Occasionally, her anxiety wakes her up at some ungodly hour and rather than try to get back to sleep, she decides she has to do something. This time is was fill and assemble her macarons. This particular bout of anxiety worried me more than any of the quick, panicked reactions I had seen the night before. I did expressed this to her, but she just smiled and told me it would all be fine.

-Ella

*Erica does have a number of “friends from college,” whom she genuinely likes and with whom she has healthy, fulfilling friendships.

The Complex Nature of Curses (Repost)

Ella, Review

July is a free review month! This post would normally be for Patreon subscribers, but is being reposted for free. If you’re not a Patreon subscriber, this is what the Patreon posts are like. If you are a Patreon subscriber and have been wanting to share this post, now you can! (please do).

Like any kind of magic, the specific power with which Erica and I are endowed requires great care in its use. We cannot “curse” others according to a specific spell with more or less predictable results. The magic we carry within us depends solely on our intentions and necessitates great respect and regard for any possible consequences. I say this as an explanation for why I don’t use my own magic very often, and am focusing on other areas of Erica’s life before I teach her how to use her gift.

Let us take a situation that is relatively low-stakes, but highly aggravating scenario: You wake up early on Saturday to beat the laundry rush in your building, only to find that someone has left their clothes in the washer since last night*.  An understandable first reaction is to curse the person who did that, usually with words. After all, you dragged your week of laundry down three flights of stairs only to have to leave it unattended in the laundry room or drag it back up again. And you have your whole day planned. Now you can’t even properly readjust your schedule because you can’t predict when this person will wake up and switch their laundry.

But the hurling of curses should be limited to a few choice words under your breath. While it might be appealing, for those with any kind of magic powers, to curse the lingering clothes, there is not enough information. You might be cursing someone who came down with a sudden stomach bug or had some kind of family emergency after they started their laundry the previous night. Or, you could be cursing someone who go up a half hour earlier than you to do laundry and will be down in just a few minutes.

If this is a repeated occurrence and there is sufficient evidence, perhaps a distinctive piece of clothing, that it is the same person, the temptation to curse may grow. First there is the temptation to curse the laundry itself, which should be avoided. Like the temptation to throw a piece of gum or a broken pen in the washer, all this does is invite the now angered laundry-leaver to mess with your laundry. Or worse, you have been needlessly cruel toward an otherwise delightful person. Punitive curses are momentarily satisfying, but accomplish little in the way of tangible changes in behavior. After all, if a person is already passively inconsiderate, punishing them for an action they have no memory of may only worsen their general demeanor, making them actively rude or cruel.

The two remaining options are to compel this person to be more considerate or to find a way to remove this inconvenience from your life. The former is almost impossible, leaving the latter as the best option, although still quite labor-intensive. First, you must identify the laundry-leaver. This can be difficult in a building where neighbors are seldom seen.

Next, you must learn about them. This requires more than discovering what kind of ruse is necessary to get some cursed baked goods in the door. We already discussed the futility and cruelty of punitive curses. You need to know what you really want out of the situation. It may be tempting to send them somewhere that they will have to contend with an inconvenient laundry situation or worse, but once again cruelty is never truly satisfying. What’s best for you, from hundreds of years of experience, is the best possible life for them, separate from you. You will need to get to know them. Start with a seemingly chance meeting, find some common ground. Have a reason to speak again.

When you are in regular contact, discover more about their hopes and aspirations. Have they always dreamed of moving to the desert? Maybe they miss having a yard? Be open to the opportunities they reveal to you. Look for something that would benefit them and benefit you by allowing them to explore opportunities outside the building. How you coax them toward that opportunity is up to you. Maybe you give them a confidence boost before a job interview. Maybe you make them more perceptive to job announcements out of state. Either way, choose carefully. Pushing them toward an opportunity they are unlikely to take advantage of could lead to disappointment for them and for you. And success in this endeavor does not guarantee that the next tenant will be more considerate.

Of course, you could simply wait and do your laundry later.

-Ella

*If you are the kind of person who does this, please understand I bear you no ill will, but if you cannot stay awake for another half hour, is it worth starting your laundry at all? The worst that waiting could bring is that some earlybird beats you to the washer, but then you will only have a half hour or so to wait. We are usually much more punctual.

We All Need a Weeknight Drink Occasionally, Those Should Be Easy

Ella, Free

Even committed weekend-only drinkers find themselves in need of the occasional weeknight cocktail or glass of wine. With the number of sworn-by or sworn-original recipes out there, cocktails can seem especially daunting. That should not be the case, especially with a boundary-crossing boss willing to try nearly every motivational tactic in the book except for higher compensation. That requires a simple, quick drink. The kind to accompany you on whatever vacation from the real world you need tonight.

The simplest mixed drinks require three components: liquor, flavor, and something to dilute the liquor. You will find that some combinations work better than others, but there is no accounting for taste.

Erica’s standby mixed drinks are vodka and seltzer and a Moscow Mule. So obviously her preferred liquor is vodka. And her food preferred dilutant it is something with bubbles. For a vodka seltzer, she often pours a tall glass of seltzer and adds a splash of vodka and a splash of sweetened lime juice. These are perfect for hot summer nights after a day spent outside, or any evening after she has received a lecture from her boss on how all people need to achieve their goals is motivation. Or how some people just don’t want to work. The kind of indirect criticism one can easily smile and nod along to without taking personally.

For days when the needling is more direct, I suggest a Moscow Mule. This can include any such incidents as being asked to do menial tasks despite not being your boss’s assistant or being held to the same expectations as higher-level staff without any additional compensation because you just need the right motivation. On evenings like that, Erica will make herself a Moscow Mule in a much smaller glass with slightly more vodka, seltzer water, sweetened lime juice, and the ginger syrup which I wrote about a little while ago.

So, when you are looking for an invigorating refreshment, or just to take the edge off a particularly terrible day, don’t let a complicated cocktail recipe stress you out even further.

-Ella

Garnish or not, it will taste the same. Cocktails shouldn't be complicated

Summery Syrups to Delight and Refresh You

Ella, Free

Summer is undoubtedly upon us. Here in St. Louis that brings an oppressive humidity and a bottomless appetite for all things cool and refreshing. Citrus, mint, and ginger are three flavors I often turn to when looking for a reprieve from the heat. One issue I have found, however, is that many recipes calling for these ingredients often require much less than is available at the grocery store. The chunks of fresh ginger root are often much larger than the one or two tablespoons a recipe often calls for. A recipe calling for lemon juice leaves much of the pulp and the rind discarded. And anyone who has ever grown mint knows it is far more abundant that it seems to have uses.

One solution is to use these extras and castoffs to make syrups. The syrups keep for a very long time in the refrigerator and are perfect for flavoring everything from cocktails to iced tea to just adding a little bit of sweetness to a glass of seltzer. They are easy to make as well. Simply add equal parts sugar and water to a sauce pan along with whatever you are using for flavoring, whether it be citrus rinds, sprigs of mint leaves, or leftover ginger. If you are using citrus rind, make sure to wash them well and with dish soap before you put them in the syrup. Stir the mixture constantly and allow it to come to a boil. The longer you keep the flavor in the syrup and keep it on the heat, the stronger your flavor will be. Taste as you go and when the syrup reaches your desired flavor, remove it from the heat, pour it through a strainer, and discard the used flavoring.

Maybe you don’t want to spend your day boiling lemons, but the result will be worth it.

I know it seems hypocritical to complain about the heat and humidity while I suggest that you stand over a steaming pot of boiling sugar water for up to an hour. You have to believe me that it will be worth it. First off, it’s possible that releasing all that heat and humidity into your kitchen will make the rest of your house feel so much cooler. The copious amounts of steam produced will allow any incorporeal residents of your home the chance to be seen, should they choose it. They often miss their bodies dearly and the water vapor in the air gives them a chance to approximate a physical presence.

And once the syrups are made and stored in the refrigerator, you will feel infinitely fancier than before. Maybe you’re like me and the idea of purchasing flavored syrups or anything with the word “infused” or “botanical” for just one recipe seems like a gamble. What if I don’t like it and now I have too much? But if I can make it to my taste and save something from the trash, it seems worth it. And when you hand a friend a cocktail made with orange and ginger syrup and casually reveal, when asked, that you made it, they are sure to be impressed.

-Ella

Fancy Cocktail Syrups Aren't Hard to Make
Three somewhat tragic looking macarons

The Simple Macaron Recipe that Will Make You Question Your Life Choices

Ella, Free

As promised, I am providing you the recipe for Erica’s macarons. This post will include the basic recipe for macarons as well as the basic recipe for the cream cheese frosting and fruit curd fillings. These little pastries will be the delight of everyone at your next garden party or brunch, and will surely leave you deep in a state of existential dread.

Which I now understand was Erica’s intention. She is used to an omnipresent anxiety about her life choices. She wakes up every day and goes to a job she does not like, and occasionally must spend her free time with these “friends” who look down on her for it. Why shouldn’t they also feel the crushing weight of the world once in a while? Realistically, they probably feel it to some degree, but are too deep in denial to admit it. Even high-paying jobs can be just as difficult to feel good about in a world where most of what we do is meaningless. But reality is difficult to resist when its dressed up in such an appetizing package. Macarons are still macarons after all.

So, if you want a challenge that will bring you face to face with your own questions about the meaning of life, even if you can’t pass it directly along to those who will eat your creations, try baking macarons. For extra anxiety about your place in the world, you can make these without electric beaters, like Erica did. Nothing will make you question your existence like whipping egg whites to a merengue with a tiny whisk, and only switching to hand beaters when the eggs are substantial enough, or mashing cream cheese, butter, and sugar together with just a fork.

Before I give you the recipe, I will recommend break the process up into three steps: baking the macarons, making the filling, and filling the macarons (especially if you take the hand beater route). There’s plenty of self-doubt to go around. Take it easy.

The Very Basic Cookie Recipe (one batch makes ~2 dozen full macarons (4 dozen cookies))

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup fine almond flour (blend or food process it if you just have regular almond flour)
  • ¾ cup powdered sugar
  • 2 large egg whites
  • ¼ teaspoon cream of tartar
  • ¼ cup granulated sugar
  • ~1-2 teaspoon of the flavoring of your choice (Erica used Almond extract, vanilla extract, and cocoa powder)

Instructions

  1. Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper and set aside
  2. Sift almond flour and powdered sugar (and cocoa powder if you’re making chocolate) together into a bowl (discard any pieces of flour that don’t get through the sieve). Sift into another bowl, repeat the process back and forth a few times. Set aside.
  3. Beat the egg whites in a large bowl until foamy, add cream of tartar, continue to beat as you add granulated sugar a bit at a time. (if using a liquid flavor/extract, add it here). Beat until stiff peaks are achieved.
  4. Sift almond flour mixture over egg whites and gently fold into egg whites. Do not over mix. When a small drop of batter disappears back into the rest of the mixture after 10 seconds, the batter is ready.
  5. Transfer batter to a piping bag and pipe ~1 inch circles onto the parchment paper.
  6. Tap the cookie tray on the table or counter to get out the air bubbles.
  7. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit and let the cookies rest for 15-30 minutes, until you can touch the top of them without any batter sticking to your finger.
  8. Bake on center rack for 18-20 minutes.
  9. Allow to cool on cookie sheet, then transfer to a cooling rack.
  10. Fill (once you’ve made your filling) and refrigerate.

Basic Cream Cheese Filling Recipe

  • ¾ block of cream cheese (room temp) (seriously)
  • 1 stick of butter (room temp) (just as seriously)
  • ½ cup powdered sugar
  • ¼ cup optional flavoring (cocoa powder or fruit puree. Use MUCH less if you’re using vanilla extract)

Instructions

  1. If you haven’t left your cream cheese and butter on the counter for a few hours, do that now.
  2. Beat the butter and cream cheese together
  3. Add powdered sugar and flavoring. Beat until smooth.
  4. Refrigerate until ready to use

Basic Curd Recipe

  • 3 egg yolks
  • 4 tsp butter
  • ½ cup powdered sugar
  • ½ cup pureed fruit

Instructions

  1. Make a double boiler/bain marie by filling a larger saucepan with water and putting a smaller saucepan about halfway submerged in the water (let it rest on the water, don’t let any water inside the smaller saucepan).
  2. Combine ingredients in a bowl
  3. Turn on the stove, allow water to boil
  4. Pour ingredients into smaller saucepan. Stir constantly until mixture reaches desired thickness.
  5. Remove from heat and transfer to heat-proof bowl to cool

-Ella