Author: alyssamariemorrison

Why Emerge from Comfortable Obscurity to Help with this Blog?

Ella, Free

I think this will be good for Erica. She needs something to anchor her right now. This past year has her more listless than usual, which I did not think possible. She doesn’t feel like she’s good enough at anything. Right now it’s her job. She doesn’t even like it, so I don’t know why she cares. And sometimes it’s her hobbies, which is hard when she depends on them to distract her from her job.

The root of her listlessness is much deeper than her job or her addiction to crafting videos, though. I’ve been watching over Erica since birth. I watched over her mother before that and her grandfather before that. I watch over all members of my family who are born with the gift. It happens once a generation. If all goes well, I do not appear.

Erica is not the first to be born with the gift and unable to channel it. She is the first whose parent has the gift and has been unable to teach her. By some stroke of luck, the gift was passed down for hundreds of years through a line of natural cooks who channeled it through food. Erica does not have a natural talent for the culinary arts. Because she did not excel naturally, as her mother expected, she was not taught and refused to learn. I know what she’s going through. I struggled too, as neither of my parents were afflicted.

She needs to find some channel for her power, but she needs to be on solid footing first. Whatever the gift is, however it ended up in my family, it is strongly linked to emotions. For years, I have watched her suppress her emotions for fear of letting out her power in a way she cannot control. She should not have to live like that. I think this will help her. She enjoys her crafting and she enjoys helping people. She needs more enjoyment in her life.

She also needs to learn how to cook. Even if she does not use cooking to channel her gift, she needs to take care of herself. I’m sure there are others out there who believe they possess no natural talent for cooking because it just seems so daunting. I don’t think feeding yourself should feel that way. If someone had come to me deep in the woods of medieval Scandinavia and told me I would one day have a cooking blog to help my however-many-times great granddaughter, I’d have said they were the witch. But no one can predict where life will take them.

-Ella

What Are We, Chopped Liver? (Although that does sound pretty good right now)

Free, Harry and Dash

Dear Erica, please consider this an open declaration of our undying love and affection for you no matter how we may express it. We the undersigned Harry and Dash, your cats, have taken the most serious oath as your fierce and loyal companions until such a time as the Universe sees fit to separate us. We know you may be feeling listless and alone right now, but please let us assure you that we care about you deeply. In case you have misunderstood our intentions over the past few years, please let us clarify.

We zoom through the apartment in the middle of the night, often trampling your sleeping body because we trust you and feel comfortable around you. You are not some terrifying predator, lying in wait for us to make one wrong step. You’ll just grumble and roll over.

We snuggle with you at inconvenient times because we are telling you to slow down, enjoy life. Also you are warm and your apartment is cold.

We meow at the door or every time you cough because we want you to know we care and we want to talk to you.

We race out the door when you get home because sometimes you need a little kick to get you moving, even just a little bit. We could use some exercise too.

We’re always sniffing your eyeballs because that’s the only part of you that always always smells the same. You’re our whole world. We’re always just a tiny bit afraid we’ll lose you, so every chance we get, we have to be sure.

We try our best to keep you from getting into the shower because why would someone put such an infernal torture device as a showerhead in a perfectly good dry bathtub?

And when you get in the shower anyway, we stand guard to make sure you safely emerge.

Harry bunny kicks your legs when you’re washing dishes because he wants to protect you from the sound of silverware, but doesn’t know how. So he attacks you instead. It’s well-intentioned.

Dash throws up when he eats too fast because he’s able to be vulnerable around you. Harry eats it because he knows you like your apartment clean.

We scratch the arms of your couch to remind you that material possessions are not all there is in the world.

We stalk you like prey because at that moment, the thing we care most about in the world is hunting. And we’re choosing to hunt you. That’s a complement. And there’s no way we can take you down.

It may be unconventional, but we’re here for you, and we love you.

SIncerely,

Harry and Dash

*This post is free for introduction purposes. Starting April 1, Wednesday and Friday posts will be for Patreon subscribers

You’re Never Really Alone, Especially if Your Apartment is Haunted

Carolyn, Free

I know it often feels that way, especially when social options are limited and you live by yourself. But I want to assure you that, even in those deepest darkest moments, you are not alone. I am here. I am always here.

I’m not surprised you haven’t noticed me yet. My ability to communicate is severely limited right now. But I’ve noticed you. How could I not? I know nearly everything about you. The days are just so long. When you’re not home I read your books, some papers, anything I can find. That doesn’t take very long and is not always very interesting. At night I play with your cats, sorry if that wakes you up. When you’re home, I’ve already exhausted my other options, so I just watch you.

You can always talk to me. Even if you feel like you’re just talking to yourself, I can pretend that someone is reaching out and acknowledging me in the present and not just as a memory, and I will grow stronger. Obviously my motives are not completely selfless, but still. If I grow strong enough I could reach out and let you know you are not alone.

I promise not to haunt you. I save that for tenants I don’t like and I do genuinely like you. I cannot promise that my first demonstrations of newfound strength will not be interpreted as haunting. But even if they are, you will notice me and I will grow stronger and I will be able to assure you that I am here to help.

And I don’t want that to be misinterpreted as me feeling like I have the power or the duty or that I want you to feel better to satisfy some selfish savior complex. I know that’s not how these things work. I know it’s not something you can control, but if I can do one thing, it would be to reach out and help alleviate this deep and crushing loneliness that I see you suffering from. It hurts to see people so lonely when they are alive because the loneliness that comes after is so much deeper and so much worse.

-Carolyn

*This post is free for introduction purposes. Starting April 1, all Wednesday and Friday posts will be for Patreon subscribers.

Close up embroidery needle and fabric

Why Are My Mediocre Crafts Worthy of Your Attention?

Erica, Free

I love crafting. I’ve been embroidering for years, sometimes I knit and crochet, and I do some light DIY projects. It gives me a sense of control when everything else feels so out of hand. I will admit, I’m not great at most of the things I try, though. I tend to over-estimate my abilities and under-estimate the amount of time a project will take. I’m often hesitant to invest in specialized tools, either because I can’t afford them or I don’t have the space. I also don’t have a ton of spare time, and sometimes I just want to watch TV. Still, I like having things exactly the way I want them, even if it means I have to create them from scratch. The end result might not be perfect, but it’s all mine.

I’m learning how to be easier on myself, too. The creators I follow on Instagram and Youtube have years of practice under their belts. Not to mention, I don’t usually start following them until far enough into their careers that they have accumulated a garage full of tools. Some of them were smart enough to learn sewing from their grandmothers, or pursue a formal education in their chosen field. And that’s great! But it’s not me. I’ve been too afraid to ask for help my whole life. I just bought a drill last year. If I want to DIY something, I have to drag it down three flights of stairs to my parking garage.

Things take time and frustration, even if they’re eventually compressed into a neat time-lapse video. And I have no intention of sugarcoating that. I want to be honest about the time a project takes me and the cost. I can’t be the only one who wishes just once that they scrolled past a mediocre project displayed proudly because it took a lot of time, and this attempt was better than the last one. Or maybe you just want to feel better about your own abilities. Either way, I hope you get something out of it.

-Erica